My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it. This was the fourth time I’d heard this exact same phrase spoken matter-of-factly in one week: “I don’t believe in balance.”

These words came from women up to big, magical things in the world – from running their own businesses, to championing beautiful causes, to planning their kid’s 3rd birthday party.

In hearing this, a part of me wanted to let out a huge sigh of relief, raise my hand up in sisterly solidarity, and blurt out “Me neither. Pass me a mojito!” 

Because who DOESN’T find balance hard and feel wildly off balance in this crazy hectic world? And who DOESN’T feel guilty that they are failing to meet the unrealistic expectations of “balance” that society, those around us, and we ourselves are placing on ourselves?

​​​​​​​Here’s the thing though. When I sit with this question and honestly listen to what I think is truth, what’s real for me is that I DO believe in balance.

Not only do I believe in it, but I think we need to jump off this ‘balance is a myth’ bandwagon because it’s a dangerous, slippery slope and can keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns.

Three Reasons Balance is for Reals (and why we need to stop saying it’s a myth)

1) Personal experience with both extremes of the “balance” spectrum

I’ve experienced extreme imbalance through two episodes of burnout: one that landed me in the hospital for two weeks and another that brought me to my knees in a teary-heapin’-mess while juggling new mamahood and work. The reformed high-achieving perfectionist in me knows busy-ness, overwhelm, and imbalance intimately and still ends up there sometimes.

I haven’t thrown the idea of balance out the window because – just like imbalance – I’ve also experienced balance. I know how to dial it up on demand because, out of necessity, I learned how to cultivate it in my body, my mind, my energy, and my day.

In this fast-paced world of instant gratification and busyness, I learned the hard way that discipline and commitment to showing up for these balancing practices is essential if I want to live on the balance side of the spectrum.

2) Balance is like pie – it’s not just about how we cut up the slices

We can do anything in a more or less balanced way. I know people juggling a gazillion things in a more balanced way than others who are doing far less (and who are so frazzled that their body trembles like a ticking time bomb!).

I’ve found that balance is less about what I’m doing and more about who I am being and how I am showing up in the world.  If balance is less about what we’re doing and more about how we’re doing it and who we’re being, then balance can exist because we can choose who we be and how we be.

The pieces of my daily time-and-energy pie can be sliced many different ways. Regardless, I can choose whether my pie has a thin, imbalanced, crumbles-all-over-the-place crust or a solid, balanced, crunchy crust that can keep the daily pie from exploding all over the place.

I can also choose to include ingredients that balance the flavors and make my pie more tasty, as well as the size of pie I choose to consume. I get to choose and you probably do too. It’s a privilege not everyone has and that we take for granted.

The Work: Dropping Judgment & Making it Safe to Seek Balance 

The real issue underlying the balance debate is that we create stories and make it mean something when things feel imbalanced. I’m not productive enough. I’m not organized enough. I’m not great at this mother thing. I can’t keep up. There’s something wrong with me.  

We beat ourselves up, and denying that balance exists keeps us from feeling like we’re failing.

But if we stop doubting our worth and our capabilities when we’re off balance – and instead see it as cue to explore and address what’s driving the imbalance – we no longer need to self-protect by writing off balance as a myth.

Instead, we can accept that balance is possible and self-protect in more nurturing ways by:

• Checking our expectations, shoulds, commitments, judgment, and self-deprecating thoughts at the door.
• Releasing society’s rigid definition of “balance” and creating our own, fluid, cyclical version of balance that has the permission to shift day-to-day.
• Adopting and creating space for balancing practices that keep us from driving our body, mind, and spirit into the ground.
• Seeking a more balanced way of being that allows us to experience more ease, harmony, and alignment (because we can’t access these when we’re off balance)

When we release the pressure that comes with balance as a destination and outcome we should achieve, we allow ourselves to see that we prefer balance as a path because, actually, it feels so much better than imbalance.

​​​​​​​For me the question isn’t whether balance is real or not. The question is, how can I bring more of this quality of “balance” off my meditation mat and weekly planner… and into my actual day? 

The good news is, we don’t need to figure “balance” out or do it perfectly. We can simply choose the more balanced way over the less balanced way more often than not. And when this fails, we simply forgive ourselves and try again.

Do you believe in balance? Let me know in the comments below. I’m genuinely curious and would love for you to convince me to get my mojito on from dusk ’til dawn!

x Catarina